You Know it's a Bad Day When....

You look like a man.

Or, FOUR men as it were.

Family Fun on a Saturday Night

I am totally amused at the notion that carving pumpkins counts as "family time" when one has a 5 and 3 year old. That simply doesn't happen. Mom and Dad do ALL (and I mean ALL) of the work.

We picked up some awesome pumpkins at a fantastic pumpkin patch / harvest festival in Vacaville, CA today. It was a wonderful day! The kids played on a hay pyramid, we took a hay ride and rode tons of carnival rides. Much fun was had by all.

However, my fingers are now raw from carving 2 pumpkins (Gorby's and mine) and Frederer has lost feeling in a few digits from carving 2 for himself and Ruby. Then, I don't know what the heck I was thinking thought it would be nice to serve my family and make homemade roasted sunflower seeds from the four pumpkins we carved. I know, I know...all of you with older kids just shake your head and say, "tsk-tsk-tsk, such a rookie mistake."

But, I must say, the sunflower seeds smell amazing (they're still baking), and the jack-o-lanters turned out great:


Ruby's: Smiling Jack

Mine: Cat with Boo!

Gorby: Ghost-Headstone-Tree-Moon

Frederer: Skull with cobwebs

Tomorrow, we're off to search for a costume for Ruby. She's changed her mind twice (thankfully, BEFORE we got a costume), so tomorrow is decision-day. Stay tuned...

Homegrown Superheroes

I just had to share this darling photo of our kids. Yesterday, after we got home from school, they were playing and decided to be superheroes. Ruby comes in and wants to make a mask, so nobody will see her (ahhh, okayyy). So, Gorby wants to join the fun as well. So, we make him a mask too.

Then, he comes in with a dishtowel and says he wants a cape because, capes "make you fly." So, we upgraded to the supersonic flight medium and got the bath towel and made a cape, complete with black binder clip.

They played for about an hour -- which is AMAZING considering, they are the offspring of "Shiny Object Daisy." (Oh look! There's a shiny object! On to the next task....Oh Look! There's ANOTHER shiny object! On to that next task...and so it goes).

It was so cute, I just had to post it. I'm coming up here to the computer at the top of the 9th of Game 3 of the World Series, because I just can't bear to watch the Rockies lose 3 games in a row.

Oh, You Conservative Christians Just Spoil the Fun!

I love it when my well meaning friends email me (warn me, really) about some catastrophe that might befall me or my family. I'm already paranoid as it is, but thankfully I'm growing more skeptical as the days progress.

More Urban Legends are passed on in emails than I care to share. I've received a number of them recently, warning me of ankle-slashing criminals hiding under my car, rat-feces topped soda cans gracing the shelves of my pantry, and now, a severely anti-religion movie aimed on "killing God" specifically targeted toward children. Wait...what was that last one again?

I always check Snopes.com to see if an urban legend is true or if the wool is being pulled over my gullible eyes yet once again. In my most recent, "Hurry, send this email to everyone you know!" email, Snopes concluded the upcoming movie "The Golden Compass" is indeed a movie written for and marketed specifically to children with a clear atheist, anti-religion message.

Which is a bummer, because by the trailers, it looked like something maybe I'd like to take my family to see.

I asked myself, "Is this an ANTI-religion or is it a movie that is religion-neutral?" I don't have a problem with taking my kids to see spiritually-neutral movie that doesn't stress religion one-way or the other (and I love taking my kids to movies with an overt, outright moral & religious message like the Veggie Tales movies). However, as I dug, I found the book and movie are written by an atheist that leaves little doubt in my mind. He's quoted as saying in a 2003 interview, "My books [and hence, movie] are about killing God."

Weeeellllllll.......alrighty then.... guess we won't be seeing THAT movie. Can you just see it? "Come on kids, let's go see a movie about killing God that's cleverly disguised as future-fantasy." And, it's a bummer too, because I like Nicole Kidman and REALLY like Daniel Craig. OMG, can he be ANY hotter?!?

As an aside, I think it is blogworthy to step back and consider Snopes.com in the first place, and what role it might play (if any at all). I mean, really, who ARE the Snopes.com people anyway? And, what authority do they play in evaluating urban legends and whether they're true or not?

I mean, it isn't it plausible that some whacko with a box cutter just might want to hide under my car and slash my Achilles?

Yeah yeah, us conservative Christians. We just spoil all the fun, don't we?
But, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. And that means, no anti-God movies.

I'm Not Dead Yet (again)

I've been really sick, and had a business trip last week, so I'm not dead quite yet. Although, if I keep hacking up my lungs like I have been, I will be!

I'll try to get to posting tomorrow.

Ruby is Reading! Sort of.

Our daughter is a genius I tell ya! She's a reader! She read her first word out of nowhere and she's been in Kindergarten all of 7 weeks. Her first week home from school she was doing compound words (remember, the "Cat" "Nap" "Catnap!" post?). Every week she's been coming home and looking at books, magazines, billboards, and the refrigerator, and tries to sound out words. Yesterday, we worked on pairing Th, Ph, Br and so on. Brilliant I tell ya, brillant! But then...

She asks me random things like, "Mom? What does M-t-h-r-u-j-k-a spell?"

I said, "Muh-thru-jah-kah."

She gets this weird snarl on her face and raises an eyebrow. "What's that?" she asks.

Heck if I know. "Uhhh, it's a purple and green Tibetan overcoat worn by small children who live in the mountains."

"Oh."

Good. Maybe we're done with that game for now. There's only so much I can take.

So, we're driving to have some breakfast and I ask the kids to guess where we're going to eat. We drive up and park. I haven't said a thing, and we don't frequent this establishment enough for her to memorize the logo, so she says, "I. Haaaaaa. pppp. IHOP! It's IHOP Mom!"

She's a genius I tell ya. :-) Reading IHOP at the age of 5. *sniff* I think I'm gonna cry. :-)

Gorby & the Fruit Roll-Ups

The plastic snack container is missing again.

There was a huge sale at Safeway, and hey, I can't ever pass up a rebate opportunity. We purchased a billion boxes of Fruit Roll-ups and Fruit by the Foot (knowing they'd last for months), and emptied the boxes into the snack container. Nice, neat and horizontal; they filled it beautifully. There must have been at least 50 of them in there.

If you recall from an earlier post on Locking the Pantry Door, my darling son Gorbulas was the culprit in the missing snack container of days past. It was discovered half empty, with several empty snack wrappers behind the couch and chocolate smudges on the walls and sofa. *sigh* Oh well, maybe now the ants will congregate on the backside of the couch and nowhere else in the house. It rained last night, so I'm sure they'll be out in full force.

Frederer is gone this week on a business trip, so the kids and I are goin' solo. I sleep like a bloody rock, so in the wee hours of the morning, that little stinker of a son of mine snuck downstairs and retrieved the snack container and headed to GOD KNOWS WHERE. I didn't even notice until about an hour ago. I looked around for a good 15 minutes in all the sneaky places that *I* would go if I were to eat 20 fruit roll-ups in one sitting. No dice.

I'm getting Ruby's shoes and uniform together and Gorbulas heads downstairs. Presumably, this is to check out our cool new addition to the family, Ratatouille Henry, our rat. Ruby and I come downstairs and in true Town Crier fashion, she exclaims, "Gorby has something behind his back!!!"

"Whatcha got there son?" I say.

While Fruit Roll-Up juice is trickling down the sides of his mouth, and he can hardly form words, he mumbles, "Nuffin."

"Uh huh", I say. "And, uhh, what's that dripping down your face?"

"Juice."

He then produces the empty cellophane wrapper once occupied by golf ball-sized wad of strawberry Fruit Roll-Up stuffed into his mouth.

I don't understand WHY OH WHY honesty is such the elusive character trait in this house. It's not like I deprive Ruby or Gorby of treats. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I think I'm incredibly generous. Is it the stealthily sneaking around the pantry and feeling like you've successfully snowed one over on the ole' broad that's attractive? I mean, really... lying about a Fruit Roll-Up?

Who knows, maybe -- just maybe -- when I find the Fruit Roll-Up container I'm going to hide it myself!

But until then, the mystery continues, and we'll see where the ant trail leads.

Laughing So Hard I'm Crying

Ohhhhhhh Ohhhhhhhh I am laughing so hard I'm crying.

You all have got to read this lady's blog. Oh my gosh...the pizza thing is killing me!
http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/

Pesticides in Produce

I ran across this topic from an email today from Moms Speak Out, a really great group of Moms dedicated to not lettin' anything slide!

Here's the skinny on Pesticides in Produce -- YUCK! Check out http://www.foodnews.org/

I know, I know, just what I need -- something else to worry about. But, with this quick cheat sheet, I can at least make a small difference and feel like it's worthwhile (and save a buck here and there too). Sad part is, alot of what we normally eat in our day-to-day meals are in the Worst category! Yikes. Looks like it's time to switch over to organic. The good news is that if one goes to the store to get always-fresh ingredients (ie, every 2-3 days for veggies and fruit), then there's little waste, and you end up actually eating your celery, cucumbers and green beans instead of watching them dissolve into a watery mess. (So, I've heard). ;-)

Gossip...Gossip...Gossip!

So I'm working from a cafe here in the Napa Valley (tough life, I know). We live about 25 minutes away from the city proper and I'm not enduring the commute traffic SIX times today: to school, back home, back to school to serve Hot Lunch, back home, back to school to pick up kids, back home. Nope. Not doing it. Incidentally, it just hit me that I'm a lunch lady! I have visions of Chris Farley and Adam Sandler doing the Saturday Night Live skit where poor Chris is the lunch lady and Adam can hardly contain himself. In fact, this deserves an embed.



So, I'm here at a cute bagel cafe killing time (working with my new Verizon wireless card! Yay!) until 11:20 when I'm due back at school, and in walk 3 high school cheerleaders. Ohhh geez. The goosebumps start to form on my arms and the hairs on the back of my neck come to attention. If I could be Journeyman, I'd be catapulted back to 1986. All my insecurities come rising to the surface like oil on water. I wonder if cheerleaders know their presence to us mere mortals causes such a stir. As Murphy always rears his ugly head it seems, these girls end up sitting at a table RIGHT NEXT TO ME. They are perfectly polished, highlighted, freshly manicured, and what??? wearing support hose?!? BAAAHHHHHAhahah! I totally let out a huge laugh. Their skirts are short enough to make any pubescent boy forget the term "abstinence" but they're sitting so close to me that hey...that's actually a skort, and not a skimpy skirt! . Hmmm, sneaky aren't ya little girls? Poor guys, it's no wonder they're tempted visually. These girls are cute!

So, they chatter on and on about mindless, useless things like which Sophomore will be stuck up front in tonight's game (*evil grin* it's forecasted to rain! take THAT you snobby drone!). I snap out of my funk and discard my insecurities and I realize that they -- although by the looks of them you wouldn't know it -- also have insecurities themselves. Only I have the advantage of 20 years on them... I know the value of what TRULY matters.

But, I still hate cheerleaders. Except one. :-)

The Bible, Zodiac and Chinese Astrology

There are pros and cons about the book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I've not read it, so I can't comment yet, but oh, I'm sure I'll have a comment, as I do about most things. I am trying to get through a "40 Before 40 List" of things I want to accomplish before I turn 40, which is to say I have 3 years left. Maybe my list will morph into 45 before 45 to give me more time!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading the book and I'll give my comments here on another post. That's the trouble with being a Libra under the Chinese sign of the Dog. I always have an opinion and am willing to share it! :-)

Being a Christian, I've always completely discounted astrology because I didn't think it was Biblical. But, I ran across an interesting article on both being able to coexist. I certainly won't put my faith into anything but Christ, but it was an interesting article and I walked away thinking, "Hmm, interesting." Which is to say, that's a good thing. I'm not subscribing to it, but a "Hmm, interesting" response from me is not a vehement-discounting-and-subsequent-discarding-of-said-idea response.

This website describes Libra, and it truly does describe me!

• seek balance in all that Libra does (oh yeah, between personal life and business life esp.)
• respond to situations with grace as Libra attempts to put others at ease (esp. in business)
• greatest balancing act is between self and others, and it is here that many Libras focus their energy
• in the realm of interpersonal relationships, you are a champion. Libra know how to be the charming host or hostess (yep)
• can sense what others want before they ask for it (to the point that I almost turn and walk away sometimes!)
• going back and forth between the extremes until a solution is negotiated
• innate sense of cause and effect (and right and wrong) that makes you so effective as a strategist
• Libra is an air sign -- air signs are thinkers. They emphasize the intellect over other functions. With active minds and a good command of language, the air signs are the natural born communicators. They can be light and breezy as the breath of spring, but their words can also carry the power of a gale force wind (very very very true of me!)

People born in the Year of the Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have a deep sense of loyalty (very true of me), are honest (very true of me), and inspire other people's confidence because they know how to keep secrets (very true of me). But Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric (no, you don't say?). They care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money ("have and spend" money is more like it). They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties (very true of me). They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues (really? ya think?). Dog people make good leaders (yep). They are compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit.

With a personality like that, I can only thank God Frederer is a Tiger.

No Year of Jubilee for Us

I remember a time in the not-too-distant past where immediate gratification was not prevalent for the masses. There was a reason for that -- perhaps it was because the masses did not have the financial means to adequately budget the "receive now-pay later" scenario. Perhaps it was because most people needed to be taught the value of working for something and then receive the reward (or blessing, depending on your set of values). Or, perhaps it was that creditors hadn't realized the untapped millions of interest just waiting to be plucked out of the consumers' hands. Credit? Credit cards? It's layaway gone amuck.

I shake my head when I think of layaway being in the "not too distant past" because (hello!) it was 30 years ago. I remember my Mom and I put something (I think my first bicycle) on layaway; my parents agreed to pay half and I would pay half. So, we'd trek to the store and make another down-payment to ultimately purchase the item. But, once it was paid off, it was glorious! I still have that feeling now, but it's when a credit card is paid in full, or we've paid off that new washing machine, or the student loans are now done and gone (albeit, refinanced into the mortgage, so it's really not gone). A weight is lifted off my shoulders that can only be fully understood by a debtor who is now debt-free.

I wonder how it is that Americans got ourselves into this irresponsible pickle of the "get first-pay later" mentality in the first place? It seems that credit cards (or at least debit cards) are a required necessity, and I wonder if it's even possible for people to operate without them? I've heard of folks, especially in the Bay Area, who adopt a Buy Nothing New philosophy for a year, or a Eat Within 100-Miles of Where You Live philosophy. Hmm, what about Cash Only Living to become a millionaire someday philosophy? It'd be a challenge, I think. I ordered Ruby's birthday party photos from Walgreens.com and they required a credit card "to reserve" my purchase!

Oh, how I wish I could go back to a cash-only base system for our family. It seems we are forever paying for items in arrears. I wonder....think our creditors would be willing to act in accordance with the Year of Jubilee and forgive our debts? Wow -- what if everyone did that? Forgave debts? Talk about a worldwide economic collapse....

The Internet is a Dangerous Thing

There's something weird happening in me -- I'm starting to become paranoid: not about people talking about me behind my back, but paranoid about being unsafe, attacked, injured or displaced and what would happen if I actually WAS.

I have these strange feelings, and then I become very pensive, quiet and withdrawn, which is not really like me. I am introverted, there's no doubt about that, but over the last few days I seem to have a perma-furrowed-brow thing going on.

The Internet is a dangerous place for people like me, because in the wee hours of the night, I find myself searching wilderness survivalist websites (you know -- just in case), itemizing what is needed in a survival kid, where our safe haven would be should the Bay Area get attacked, and how on earth are we going to get there, we own an SUV but it's not 4WD, etc. God knows the Bay Area traffic is awful as it is -- what if there was an attack and all of the Bay Area tried to flee? You think I-80 and Hwy 50 are congested now? Yikes.

I find myself thinking about fleeing with my family and what to take and where to go? The last time I freaked out like this, I came home with a $300 Costco run, and we now have an emergency bookshelf filled with canned soup, beans, peanut butter, non-refrigerated yogurt (which surprisingly has a shelf-life), beef jerky, water, first aid kids, and the like! (Oh yeah, don't forget the field surgical kit and face masks! You think I'm kidding???).

We don't own any guns, so how are we going to shoot food? I don't want to get guns, but when my mind really gets going and I envision a Red Dawn situation, I actually consider it. Frederer is an Eagle Scout, so hey, we got that going for us. He is adept at using a bow & arrow, camping, fishing and surviving in the wilderness (but with a wife and two kids in tow?), and I'm quite positive his Provider Instincts would kick into high gear and he'd come back with some-sort-of-something for the 'ole squaw to cook up. Do we end up camping for the rest of our lives? Do we go to Calavaras County where Frederer's parents have a 5th wheel and just hang out there? Do we shoot the wild turkeys? See?!? This is where my mind goes!

I then think about how CONSUMER driven we are. By in large, we don't MAKE anything and we don't know how to DO anything. We turn on the water and it comes out, we drive to the grocery store to get food, we go to Bed Bath & Beyond to pick up a blanket. Would even 50% of the population even know what to do in an emergency? how to purify water? how to get your own food? how to make your own shelter or blanket? Most Americans are just a bunch of fat, lazy, entitled consumers that, if driven to bedouinhood would surely curl up and die. We all just might find ourselves making a B line for West Virginia to bunk up with the hill country folk who shoot their own food and live in blue tarp covered trailers. I mean, they know how to survive!

For the most part, since we don't train alongside our elders, thus, do any of us really know how to anything worthwhile? I mean in terms of surviving? I can count on one hand how many people I know who would actually have the physical and psychological strength to survive. I started to think about this stuff again yesterday when I was watching Dinner: Impossible on FoodNetwork. I got to thinking, "Yeah, hmm, a chef. That's pretty much a useless vocation in terms of a national emergency." I then thought about me: a software salesperson (again, totally useless). I can't even tie rope knots! A Bear Bag? What the heck is that and how does one construct it?

Geez, maybe I'm watching too much Jericho, 24 and Lost episodes.

Sorry for the rant. I gotta go...

Carry on with your day folks.

I'll return when I'm less freaked out.